Hey There, Mr.Tin Man

I haven’t written for a while as, yet again, life events have taken over, sadly this time not for the best… June sadly saw the death of my stepdad, after a 10 heroic battle to the end, he finally decided he had had enough.

He gave up any treatment to hold the cancer off in February so we knew after a consultation that he was given up to 6 months left and the house was set up so he could get the carers in etc. I made a trip down at the start on June to spend a week with them, I stayed in a hotel so I wasn’t a burden on them as they had carers coming back and forth and whilst I was there their dog had 4 puppies, so it was a busy household which I feel took it’s toll on my stepdad as by the end of the week he was spending the whole day in bed.  I left on the Sunday knowing it would be the last time I saw him and headed up to Glasgow for a check up appointment  for the IVF

My appointment was nothing to write home about but having it all on top of the week before,  as well as the journey north which takes me the best part of 8 hours drive,  by the time I got home I was pretty exhausted, I arrived at around 10pm at night for my hubby to tell me that my mum had rang whilst I was travelling and that it turned out my stepdad wasn’t going to pick up and that he was having his morphine driver fitted :(.  I spoke to my mum everyday and 5 days later at 11.30pm she called to say he had passed away.  2 Days later I put my case back in the car and headed back down to be with my mum…where I stayed for around 2 weeks, helping sort stuff out and just being there with her so she wasn’t on her own.

Those of you that follow the blog will know the ups and down of the last nearly 3 years and so only weeks away from IVF starting it wasn’t going to be plain sailing…whilst at my mums I discovered a lump in my right breast, I, of course, ignored it…I thought about it…kept checking it was there but got really scared that if anyone knew about it that it would mean that the IVF would be put on hold…AGAIN… so I ignored it and carried on, this was until my hubby came into the bathroom one day as I was checking and, not being able to lie, told him about it…he went mad and told me I had to make an appointment ASAP, he said he understood how scared I was but that it was important to go and to get it sorted as it was priority, at the same time a friend was also telling me the same…So off I went to the doctors on Thursday past…hoping in all hope that she would tell me that it wasn’t a lump or was a cyst or even that it was breast tissue…but then why would things be that easy!! Nope..I have a referral for a mammogram in the next 2 weeks…I should start IVF in 3…

There are not many times I do not appreciate my life, I live, in my opinion, in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I look out at the ocean everyday and see mother natures best creations whether it be what is growing or what is living around me…but Fucking hell if sometimes I don’t have to ask what the fuck I did in a past life that means all this shit gets thrown at me, I will, of course, deal with it as I have no other option, I can’t change the outcome so there is not too much point in me worrying about things, but, I will admit I am the most scared I ever been in my life!

 


 

CREDITS

Location – Lost Lagoon

Body – Maitreya Lara

Head – Catwa Catya

Hair – TRUTH Montana – Redhead

Pose – Sitting Pose 2 [KMA]

Jacket and Top – TETRA – Moto Full Set

Jeans – Addams // Real Worn Out Jeans // Ocean

Tin Man

 

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