We breathe all the time to survive, but, sometimes we need to breathe! I have found that this week as I took myself off to my first IVF appointment.
Things didn’t start well, it’s normal for me to be awake at 4.30am at this time of year (we get no true darkness here being so far north so it’s always light so as soon as I open my eyes I tend to be awake) I got up and did all my wifely duties to make sure hubby could survive the night without me *rolls eyes* and then at 5.45am headed down for the ferry, all went well…I made it over to the mainland with little hassle, at this point I decided to head to Marks and Spencers for breakfast for the highlight here to be that Ant and Dec do the voice over for the self-service checkouts..so smiling I went outside only for it to fade as I saw my back tyre was flat. Trying really hard to not think it was a sign I called hubby and asked him what I should do, now this might sound given my job and what I am surrounded with a bit girly but I drive a big heavy car and would never trust myself to change it safely so after a quick chat I headed off to the local garage for the lads there to change it for me. I tried very hard to keep it together in the garage, messaging a few friends to help distract and breathing deeply. Half an hour later, and whether they saw it on my face as they didn’t even charge me, I am back on my way….here is where I allowed a few tears to fall…and they then might have got a bit worse… I still had a 3-hour drive in front of me, soooo I rang one of my best friends, Angel, who, bless her heart, for the next 3 hours sat talking to me all the way to Glasgow!!! I really do have some wonderful friends ♥
On arrival in Glasgow things started to look up, I was able to check in to my hotel and then had enough time for a snooze before heading off, after arriving half an hour early but then running the length of the hospital to find where I needed to be, I rocked up at my appointment exactly on time. I was taken straight in to see a nurse that did a few tests to make sure I qualify. I then was literally taken into another room where I met the doctor that is starting me on the road, after an hour of talking, (I will spare you these details for now) and a few other things, I came out and stood outside the elevator slightly shell shocked and after another couple of important calls to those that needed to know right then I headed back to the hotel.
I don’t travel well, as a passenger or sometimes as a driver, the stress of this situation I think took its toll and by 7pm, having been up from 4.30am I had a huge headache and was emotionally drained, it opened flood gates I didn’t even know I had and for the next few days I had to take some time out just to myself to calm the waters.
My hubby is along for the ride with this, however, doesn’t agree with it and so other than the main appointment is leaving me to get on with it myself, now I have to choose my battles and so this doesn’t worry me, I know I will do it but I can see for real now how emotionally taxing this is going to be so I have to learn to deal with it my way…thankfully I do have a strong support network around me, however I need to learn how to manage the emotional side… this time it was shutting myself in a room watching a few films and listening to some music, I shut the gardens for a few days so I didn’t have to deal with people and just breathed, in the evening I took myself off and sat by the ocean for the sunset and just reset.
The one thing I did take in through all of this though was Spring, normally I only drive south in the winter months so it was really nice to see how things looked at this time of the year, everything was greening up and the spring flowers just looked amazing plenty of busy birds… I know where I live and my job means I am always next to nature but even I can still have my breath taken away with how beautiful it can look.
So my next appointment now isn’t until the 1st August, they said in all it takes around 6 months for the waiting list but I have heard it can be sooner, so it’s again just a waiting game!
Body – Maitreya Lara
Eye Make up – Catwa eyeshadow – Smoky boudoir
Pants – RKKN. Riley’s Pants FatPack
Top – RKKN. Riley’s Shirt FatPack
Hair – *ARGRACE* HARUKA_II – FATPACK
Necklaces – *AvaWay* CYNTHIA Necklace (unpacked)
Little Birds – HPMD* Little Birds
Bird house – Dust Bunny . birdhouse garden gate
Dust Bunny . spring washline & basket